


Our Past, It Haunts Us pt.1

by Emeli_Thorne



Series: Kastle Christmas 2K17 AU - Kastle as neighbours [3]
Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: A lot of kissing, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Frank & Addie bonding, Gen, Karen has a thing for Frank's beard, Karen's secret's revealed, Mild Smut, and touching, decorating christmas tree, mentions of Frank's time in war, mentions of abuse, single parent!karen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-07 20:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13442610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeli_Thorne/pseuds/Emeli_Thorne
Summary: Frank and Addie are decorating Frank's apartment for Christmas. They talk, bond, and in the process reveal a lot about themselves and their lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy angst with some fluff. 
> 
> So, I hinted in the main fic that Karen had a difficult/dark past. This fic will reveal what exactly happened. I know this Christmas fic was supposed to be light, but when I started writing Karen, her past just wrote itself and I felt like I should explore it at least in this part.

**Day 20: Frank and Addie decorate his apartment**

  
The day after her mom and she decorated their Christmas tree and hung the decorations all over their apartment, Addie insisted she help Frank decorate his apartment as well.

At first, Frank was hesitant because he hadn’t celebrated Christmas since he lost his family. 

The holiday wasn’t the same without Lisa and Frank jr. running down the stairs, arguing who was going to open their presents first, it wasn’t the same without Maria peppering his chest with kisses, whispering in his ear to wake up and make Christmas pancakes for the kids with all their favourite shapes and flavours.

After he lost them, Frank fell into a pit of misery and anger, and had it not been for Curt, all his wise advice and a friendly shoulder to cry on, he would have lost himself too. 

The first Christmas without Maria, Lisa, and Frankie was a surreal experience.

On default, Frank woke up extra early, convinced he had heard Maria’s voice whispering to go make the pancakes. He moved from his bathroom to his bedroom, getting dressed with a jovial feeling in his chest at the prospect of another Christmas spent with his children. He had missed far too many to ever make it up to them, but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try. 

It was only when he walked into the living room, barren of any Christmas cheer and decorations, looking as gloomy as a cave, that Frank had realised his loved ones weren’t there. It wasn’t even their house but his own, solitary apartment. Maria, the kids - they were never there and it was just his pain- and guilt- stricken mind playing tricks on him.

Frank spent the day sitting on the floor, gripping the last picture the four of them took together and cried over his loss. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest as cries of despair tore from his throat, his whole body shaking as he kissed over and over again the smiling faces of his family.

That day he hated himself more than ever for not spending more time with them, for wasting those precious years out of the battlefield, surrounded by his comrades and strangers instead of his own family.

Evening found him curled on the floor in the dark, asleep from exhaustion, the glass of the framed photograph stained with his tears. His face was red and swollen from crying, his lips bloodied from biting them.

“Frank, you’re apartment is soooo boring. It’s Christmas! You _have to_ decorate,” Addie had insisted when he told her he didn’t do Christmas, her hands clasped in a pleading way.

Karen tried to persuade her daughter to leave him alone, aware what the holiday meant for him and not wanting to cause him additional pain. In spite of Frank not telling her much about his life with his family, Karen felt she knew enough to understand Frank’s attitude and feelings which must have been especially magnified in the holiday season.

Alas, Addie wouldn’t let herself be dissuaded in any way. Not with bribes, not with threats.

Karen was heading to work though it was Saturday and she usually had a day off, but she wouldn’t leave before making sure with Frank one more time that he was okay with Addie staying with him.

“Frank, please, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I will explain things to her. Addie will have to understand.” 

They were holding hands in the hallway, Addie was already inside Frank’s apartment, rummaging through a bag of decorations Karen made Frank buy a few days ago.

“No, don’t worry,” Frank assured her, his thumbs gently caressing her knuckles. “It’s more for her sake that I’m doing it,” he gave her a half smile, but Karen could see how hard this was for him. And yet, he was so kind to let Addie do what she wanted.

“If she says anything-” Karen started seriously, but Frank interrupted her, cupping her face.

“She’s a kid, Karen. I would never take anything she says the wrong way. Don’t worry, please.”

Sighing, Karen cast a glance towards Frank’s apartment one more time before kissing him and leaving, making a mental note to check on them in a few hours. She trusted Frank implicitly, but still... Neither of them could predict what Addie might say or do that could trigger Frank. Karen wasn’t afraid he would to anything to Addie. She was worried about Frank reliving some painful memories about his kids, especially being alone with Addie for the first time. 

Frank went back into the apartment where Addie had already made a mess unpacking the Christmas ornaments, having thrown the wrapping paper and boxes they were in on the floor and gathering the Christmas balls, garlands, Christmas stockings and other decorations on the couch. There was some glitter on the floor and couch from some golden and silver balls.

As soon as she saw him, Addie went immediately into all-business mode, “Frank, I think I should do the bottom and you the top of the tree. ‘cause I can’t reach that high.”

Not even waiting for his reply, Addie headed towards the plastic tree Frank had bought at the last minute that very morning, armed with a half a dozen of Christmas balls of various colours and designs.

Frank just laughed, shaking his head then took as much ornaments as he could and joined her in front of the tree. He stopped, unsure where to start.

“Does it matter how I order them?” he asked her, holding two red Christmas balls with a snowman painted on them.

Addie gave him a look that made him feel like a complete idiot for even asking.

“Frank, it’s _your_ Christmas tree. You can decorate it however you want, silly.” 

Huffing a laugh, Frank nodded and started hanging the ornaments, occasionally stealing a glance at Addie, noting her progress. Tongue on her upper lip, she seemed all too focused on getting this decoration thing just right, that it made Frank kind of glad he had agreed to her idea of adorning his apartment, for no other reason than to see her excited having to decorate another tree.

They worked in silence for some ten minutes, until Addie asked him, a little hesitantly or maybe it was just his impression.

“Frank? Are those pictures of your family?” she gestured with her head towards the framed photographs hanging on the wall opposite the tree.

Frank remembered that Addie never asked him anything about the photos, even though she had been in his apartment numerous times since that time the three of them had dinner together. She would always stop by the photos, look at them for a long time while Karen and he talked or cooked, but she never outright asked him about them.

Swallowing hard, Frank tried to continue hanging the balls as his hands trembled. “Ye-yeah. Yeah. That is-was my wife. Maria. And my kids. Lisa and Frank jr.”

Addie’s eyes were on the photographs and Frank could see her gaze darting from one photo to the next, could imagine cogs turning in her head as she wondered what to ask him next.

She surprised him though, with what she said.

“They were really pretty. I like Maria’s hair. It’s so shiny.” Her voice was steady, but Frank noticed how the last part was said a bit shyly, with a hint of a giggle. 

He chuckled, recollecting the feel of Maria’s hair under his fingertips, the way it always tickled him when she would lean down to kiss him good morning, the way it fluttered in the wind when she would tie it in a high ponytail, catching sunrays and glowing like a tiara.

“Yeah. It was real soft too,” Frank said, then whispered conspiratorially, “And it smelled like vanilla.”

“Uuuh, I love vanilla,” Addie exclaimed with a grin, running to the couch to fetch more balls, waiting to come back to the tree before she continued talking. “But I like strawberry too. That’s why mommy buys me strawberry shampoo,” she told Frank as she started hanging a new set of ornaments, propping herself on her toes to get to the higher branches.

“Lisa...” Frank started, his gaze seeming lost in the memory, “Her hair smelled of strawberries.”

Addie looked at him for a moment, then said in acknowledgment, “I bet she liked them too.”

Frank looked at her before a laugh escaped him, “She did. Boy, she could eat a whole bunch of 'em on her own. Junior and she always fought over them. Was Junior’s favourite fruit.”

“Mine are strawberries and kiwi.” 

Frank nodded, winking, “Good to know.” He turned the tree so they could decorate the other side. “You ever tried a strawberry cheesecake?”

Addie grimaced, her expression sour and voice filled with horror, “Ugh, no, Frank! Cheese and cake don’t mix!”

Laughing, Frank fought hard to recover his bearing. “Oh, they do mix.” Then, he told her what his wife and daughter used to do for him, “Maria and Lisa used to make their signature strawberry cheesecake whenever I came back home.”

She looked up at him, brows furrowed in curiosity, “Where were you, Frank?” 

His breath caught in his throat, guilt building up in his stomach. “I was... in war...in a far away country,” he spoke in fragments. It was still hard for him to accept that part of himself, no matter how much he used to love being a Marine.

What he had done still haunted his dreams, still made him wake up in cold sweat, screaming in pain and rage.

With innocence only a child could have, Addie lowered her voice like she was afraid someone might overhear them, “Fightin’ the bad guys?”

In that moment, she reminded him so much of his girl, the way Lisa too was innocent and believed her dad did good things, was a good man, fought the good fight...

“Yeah,” the word left a bitter taste in his mouth, flashes of what he had done assaulting his senses. 

_Blood, so much blood – his, his friends’, their enemies’ blood... body parts... his CO screaming in his ear to go find a way out... his brothers hurt or dead, lying in pools of their own blood and organs... gunfire, shouting... the smell of gunpowder, burnt flesh... He could smell it all now, could hear it all, taste the stale air and that blood, taste his own rage and bloodlust..._

His hands were trembling more than before, his fingers gripping a weapon he wasn’t holding. He had to close his eyes and will himself to calm down, to remember he was in his apartment, with Addie, and not over there. The little girl didn’t have to witness him unravelling, becoming a complete mess. 

He wouldn’t want her to ever see him like that. Not her, not Karen. 

They were too good, too pure for his darkness.

“And you would come back to them and they would make you the cake?” again, she asked him in that childlike way of hers, eyes wide, leading his mind onto a different memory lane.

Her question made him remember and relive the disgust he had felt with himself that he had something so pure at home yet chose times and times again to leave it and go sully his hands, his heart, his soul with the blood of people he knew nothing about save for what his superiors chose to tell them.

“Yeah,” he replied curtly, his voice hoarse as he averted his face from hers, going around the tree as if to hide himself from her inquiring gaze.

Addie was silent after that, standing up and looking up and down the tree, then going around and doing the same.

Eventually she fixed her eyes on him, effectively making him look back at her. 

There was no ignoring her. Frank almost wanted to laugh.

“They must’ve loved you very much, Frank,” she said it firmly, without a doubt in her voice.

It was so sudden, when she spoke, and what she had said, that Frank didn’t quite understand why she would think that. Still reeling from his memories and returned feelings of shame and remorse even after so many years, he never allowed himself to think of or analyse anything beyond his own guilt.

“Why’d you say that?”

Addie’s lips spread into a melancholic smile, her blue eyes, so much like her mother’s, boring into Frank’s as she shifted on her feet. 

“Because you only put so much effort in the things you love, Frank. I love my mommy. That’s why I sing to her. I know she likes to listen to me singing,” she winked and grinned, “And she loves me. That’s why she lets me eat pizza when we have our girls’ night, even though she says _it’s unhealthy Addie, I can’t have you eat that junk all the time._ ”

Frank laughed then at Addie’s perfect imitation of Karen. He went to the couch and sat down, unclenching his fists. Only then did he realise how tense he had been, how much his hands had been stiff. 

“I guess they did,” he said softly after awhile, thoughts running around in his head – of what Addie said, what he thought all this time, what Maria and kids used to tell him times and times again when they were finally together, finally a complete family.

Addie joined him on the couch, sitting beside him and tucking her feet under her. She continued asking him about his family, and Frank realised he wasn’t as bothered as before, nor was it as difficult for him to talk about them.

“Did they love Christmas carols?”

“Jesus, no!” Frank exclaimed, his face pulled into a grimace as if something like that was unimaginable. “Junior would throw a tantrum whenever he would hear the carollers and hide under the covers until they went away. Lisa would tease him for it the next day.”

Addie giggled before telling him, “I like them. But there was this one group in our old neigh-neighbo-neighbourhood” she struggled with the word, and when she finally pronunced it, grinned and continued, “that was terrible. This one lady... she was soooo bad, it made my ears hurt.”

“What would you do then?”

She lowered her voice, “Mommy would pretend we weren’t at home until they went away,” then covered her mouth as she chortled. 

Frank laughed along, shaking his head in amusement. “Sounds like Karen.”

“What else did your kids like?”

Frank, bit his lip, eyes darting left and right as he turned over the memories in his mind.

“I used to make them Christmas pancakes. Add food colouring, red, green, a little bit of brown. ”

Gasping in excitement, Addie pulled closer to him, “Did you make shapes?”

“Yeah, I did. Reindeer, Christmas tree, snowman. You name it, I made it.” Addie’s eyes were shining so brightly, mouth agape as she soaked it all in. “Lisa especially liked the snowman one. I’d put blueberries for eyes and buttons, cranberries for nose and lips.”

“And Frankie?” Addie blurted out even before Frank had uttered the last word, adjusting herself even closer to Frank. 

He found it was even easier now to talk about his family, to recollect their traditions and happy moments. That’s why even he seemed more excited to continue talking about what he used to do for them, as rarely as he was home back then.

“Oh, he looooved to eat a stack full of green pancakes shaped like a Christmas tree. He’d pour a ton of maple syrup all over them and just stuff his face with it. Made him always sick later, but he didn’t care.”

Addie looked at him for a long moment before a tear rolled down her cheek. She sniffed, wiping her nose with the back of her hand as she looked away from Frank.

“I wish I had a dad to make me pancakes like that.”

Her voice sounded so small, so broken. Frank felt his chest constrict, making it hard to breathe. Without even thinking, he wrapped his arm around her little shoulders, effectively pulling her to him. Addie curled into his side, gripping his shirt as she cried. 

Frank kept repeating “it’s ok, sweetheart, it’s ok”, running his fingers through her hair in a soothing manner the way ions ago he did with Lisa, though his heart was breaking for this little girl. He wondered what exactly happened with her dad and Karen. 

Back when they first met, Karen mentioned how her ex wasn’t a good person, but that was all. Frank never wanted to pressure he into saying more than she wanted, and he appreciated she did the same with him. They respected each other’s boundaries from the very start, and he loved that they were able to recognize those boundaries without ever having to outright state them.

When Addie was a bit more composed, Frank heard her sniffle again, so he leaned over and pulled a pack of tissues from under the table. He pulled one and gave it to her to wipe her nose. 

“Fhanks, Fhank.”

“I’m- I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t- I never asked your mom ‘bout your dad.”

Addie was quiet, still holding onto him as she wiped her tear-stained face with another tissue.

“Mommy doesn’t like talking about him. He was a bad man,” she hiccuped, another torrent of tears starting down her puffy cheeks.

Frank wrapped his other arm around her thus cocooning her and Addie hid her face in the crook of his arm. He felt her shivering in his arms, shaking like a leaf. Unwillingly, a tear rolled down his cheek as well as he closed his eyes and hugged Addie more tightly. 

For a long time, her sobs and Frank’s heavy breathing were the only sounds in the apartment.

If there were any way he could take away this kid’s sadness and suffering, he would have done it in a heartbeat.

“You ever met him?” Frank dared to ask when Addie pulled away to blow her nose again. 

She hadn’t looked at him in half an hour, since she started crying. From this angle, Frank could see how puffy her cheeks were, painted crimson, streaked with tears. He’d bet her eyes were just as red and swollen.

Addie answered him in a quiet tone, fingers playing with the hem of her sweater. “No. But I hear mommy and uncle Foggy talk about him sometimes.” Only then did she look up at Frank, and what she told him next knocked the breath right out of his lungs. “He used to hit her. I heard Uncle Foggy once say _it’s a miracle you haven’t lost the baby then, Karen!_ ” She finished with, “Mommy started crying then.”

Rage was building inside Frank, his hands hurt from how hard he was clenching his fists. His trigger finger tapped against his jeans-clad thigh as he struggled to swallow the lump in his throat, face made in a mask of disgust.

“I’m sorry, Addie. You and your mom are good people. You didn’t deserve that,” he told her while his mind was coming up with hundred and one ways of killing the bastard that dared put a hand on Karen, who dared to hit her while she was carrying a child inside of her.

“I ask her sometimes, about him, y’know?” Addie bit her lip, appearing bashful for saying that, ”To tell me if he loved me.”

Frank barely managed to ask her back, voice gravely, “What does your mom say?”

“ _He was a bad man, Addie. He never loved anyone. Not even me_.” 

She mimicked her mother’s curt talk perfectly that Frank would have laughed had this not been such a heavy topic, had those not been such heart-wrenching words. Frank could imagine Karen’s face as she said it, could imagine how she felt to have to tell her daughter such awful truth and break her heart, crush her every hope about her father. 

When she sighed heavily, vigorously wiping her face with her hands, Frank moved to hug her but Addie was quick to change the subject, turning to him with a forced grin on her face.

“Addie-” he started but she wouldn’t let him say anything, saying instead,

“Mommy makes her Christmas cupcakes, though. Lets me help her too.”

Understanding she didn’t want to talk about this anymore, Frank smiled, and indulging her, asked her instead, “How do you make them?”

Her eyes lit up immediately as she readjusted on the couch, crossing her legs, talking animatedly. “We make chocolate ones and a batch of banana cupcakes. She adds colouring, like you, only she makes them colourful like a rainbow. And the frosting ends up being either red or green. Mom lets me put the frosting. I always end up messing it up.”

Frank shook his head as if in disbelief. “Hard to believe.”

Addie yelled, “It’s true!” She started gesturing with her hands, “The butttercream always ends up on my face, in my hair, on my and mommy’s clothes.”

Frank bit his lip to stop himself form laughing. “What does she do then? She yell at you?” He asked, though he doubted Karen would yell at Addie over something like that.

“No!” Addie confirmed his thoughts. “We lick it off our clothes! She says it’s too good to waste.”

They both chuckled, Frank bumping her shoulder with his. “I bet it is.”

She continued, “Then we leave it over night and eat them on Christmas and watch _Home Alone_. It’s my favourite movie.”

“Maria and the kids loved that one too.”

Frank remembered how, on Christmases he managed to be home, after he would make those pancakes and they all ate until they felt their insides were going to burst, they would gather in the living room and watch the movie: the kids on one couch with a bowl of popcorn between them, while Maria and he cuddled on the other couch.

“It’s so good!” exclaimed Addie as she got up and continued what they had been doing earlier – decorating the tree. “I like how Kevin knows a lot of tricks to fool the bad guys.”

“He is smart, that kid.”

Addie nodded in agreement as she hung the last ornament. She then started wrapping a red garland around the tree, getting stuck somewhere in the middle because she couldn’t reach the top. When she started jumping, huffing as she kept tossing it up but it wouldn’t stick, Frank got up. Addie handed him her end of the garland and let him wrap it all the way to the top. Then she added him another one, this one was white with golden specks.

As Frank finished putting on the garland, he heard Addie say, “I wish I knew some of them. The tricks, I mean.”

Frowning, he looked down at her. That sad look returned to her eyes and she grew quiet again, eyes on one of the ornaments hanging on the tree. Frank couldn’t stand watching her like that, all broken up.

“Why, sweetheart?” asked Frank, though he dreaded the answer.

“To protect mommy, Frank. What if my dad comes for us? I have to protect her, like she protects me.”

She sounded scared, all big eyes with a genuine fear in them, her voice cracking.

Frank knelt down, taking her hands in his, making sure she was looking at him. God, this kid was going to kill him.

“That’s not something a little kid like you should be worried about, Addie.”

Words burst out of her, body shaking, “But if I don’t do it, who will? It’s just me and my mom, Frank. We look after each other. Always have, always will!”

Frank didn’t know what to tell her. He didn’t know how to assure her she and Karen were safe, that he is prepared to defend them with his life if necessary, that he would never allow anyone to hurt them. Addie was such a good and smart kid, and her bond with her mother was something Frank loved to witness. They were alone for so long, they became their own heroes, and he liked that a lot. 

So, instead, Frank pulled her into a tight hug and after a moment Addie returned it, burying her face in his neck.

“You’re a brave little kid.”

“Thank you,” she replied into his shirt as she pulled back.

As Frank got up off the floor, Addie tilted her head back. “Hey Frank?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

She told him bashfully, “Thanks for letting me decorate your Christmas tree. I know you weren’t in the mood.”

Patting her back and keeping his hand on her shoulder, Frank chuckled. “Actually, I had fun, decorating it with you.”

“It looks good, right?” She stepped back, gaze on the tree.

From top to bottom, the tree held many colourful balls and figurines that Karen picked for him when they first went shopping, and also some Addie said she would lend him to make his tree prettier. Addie also brought a huge star that she let Frank at the top because _it’s your Christmas tree, Frank_! 

“Looks good, sweetheart.”

Shifting from side to side, looking around his apartment, she eventually asked him, “You want us to put up Christmas lights too?”

Frank shrugged. He was okay to let her do whatever she wanted, especially after her being so sad today. “Sure, why not.”

It took them another two hours, but they managed to hang the Christmas lights on the tree, taped it to the walls, and also put Christmas stockings on the wall near the radiator. Addie then stuffed the stockings with something she brought from their apartment, but only after she made Frank leave the room so she could hide it inside without him looking. Then she made him promise not to look inside until Christmas morning, threatening to get really mad with him if he breaks their pinky promise.

He had to concede or else their friendship would be ruined.

* * * * *

Addie was lying on the couch, groaning after eating so much of the food Frank cooked, as Frank sat in an armchair, chuckling. 

“I should not have eaten that second serving,” she moaned, holding onto her stomach.

Frank didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop eating, even though he knew this would ensue. She kept saying she was so hungry and how good the food was, that it seemed a shame to make her stop. 

He regretted his choice now.

“Hey, Frank?” Addie called for him after awhile.

“Yeah?” Frank looked up from the papers he was reading. It was one of Karen’s newest articles he hadn’t had the chance to read yet.

“If you want, you can come over to our place on Christmas to try those cupcakes. I’m sure mommy won’t mind.”

His heart swelled at the invitation. “Thanks for inviting me, sweetheart. I’ll check with your mom first, though.”

Addie then turned her head towards him, “You know she likes you. Like, a lot.” 

Frank felt his cheeks burning and he was frozen for a moment, unable to respond. He recovered quickly though, grinning at her. “I, uh. I like her too.”

It felt good to admit it out loud to Addie, since he wasn’t sure how she felt about Karen and him. They haven’t really discussed their relationship with her since it was all happening so fast and so naturally. 

“She never had a boyfriend. It’s always been just us two. I’m happy we have you now.”

“Yeah?”

Addie nodded, beaming at him as she yawned. “Yeah, Frank. You make my mommy laugh, and she smiles all the time now.”

“Probably laughs at my ugly mug,” he replied, just to make her laugh. 

He succeeded because Addie burst in giggles, yelping when her tummy started hurting again.

“No, Frank! You’re nice to us. You help us a lot.”

“I’m always happy to help you guys, with anything,” he said firmly.

“Thanks, Frank. Just be good to mommy. I want her to be happy.”

“I want that too, sweetheart.”

Frank returned to his papers and Addie started to doze off. When he saw she was asleep, Frank picked her up in his arms and took her to his bedroom. Placing her gently on his bed, he pulled the covers over her, smoothing her hair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karen and Frank discuss her past. More Addie, Karen, and Frank fluff :D 
> 
> tw: mention of abuse
> 
> Mild smut bcs Frank has got it bad for Karen and vice versa :D

Karen knocked on the door a few hours later, after Frank texted her not to ring the bell as not to wake Addie up.

When Frank opened the door, Karen almost fell under the weight of various folders she was carrying, but he was quick to take a hold of her and prevent her fall. She gave him a look of gratitude as Frank took the folders from her.

“Hey,” she mumbled tiredly, leaning against the door frame. A few strands of her hair had freed themselves from the chignon at the back of her head and were now hanging loosely around her face. Under the hallway light, her hair got an almost halo-like glow, illuminating her face in the most wonderful way possible. 

“Hey, you.” Frank opened the door a little wider, smiling at her. “Didn’t think you’d come home until much later.”

He led her inside and Karen was quick to take of her boots, leaving them in the shoe rack. Her coat and bag were next, which she hung on the rack next to the door.

“Ellison sent me home early. We had a... disagreement. Words were exchanged,” she said with a sigh, tiredly plopping on the couch, motioning to Frank to come sit beside her.

“Oh, boy. That doesn’t sound good.”

Depositing the folders on the coffee table, Frank sat at the other end of the couch, pulling her feet in his lap. He didn’t quite think about his action; it felt natural to have her in his space after a long day, for him to offer her some form of relaxation. 

When Karen readjusted so that she was lying on the couch facing him, Frank started massaging her feet. 

“It’s like that with us all the time. It will blow over,” Karen murmured, freeing her hair from the bun and letting it spread on a cushion under her head. Closing her eyes, she threw her arms above her head, letting out a long sigh.

Frank cleared his throat, averting his gaze from her face to her feet. “Hope so.”

When she groaned in pleasure, Frank felt his heart skip, his breath catching in his throat. He was afraid to say anything in that moment.

It had been a long while since he had been with a woman, let alone heard the kind of sounds Karen was just making. It caught him off guard, just like their first kiss, just like her invitation from a few nights ago to join her in her apartment, no matter how much he had anticipated both.

As much as he wanted to, and Jesus, he wanted to so badly, something in him wouldn’t let him step over that line.

Karen was intelligent, fierce, truth-loving woman who was so beautiful in and out, that he was just...scared that going any faster would make them both crash and burn.

They had known each other for such a short amount time, yet Frank knew Karen was someone special from their first day painting her apartment. 

She was kind and patient, so _so_ patient with him and his damaged head, his damaged self. It might sound ridiculous, but he was afraid he would chase her away if he showed her how much he cared and felt for her already.

It scared him, the depth of his feelings for her, and Addie too.

They’d managed to wiggle into his life so seamlessly and pull him out of his misery with their brightness. And after his day spent with Addie and getting a peek into the girl’s own well-hidden sadness, he felt his connection with the Page family deepen.

It pained him, the possibility of ruining that.

Karen’s voice brought him back to the present moment.

“So, what did you guys do today?”

He looked up to see her regarding him, looking at him from under her lashes. 

“Uh, we uh, we decorated the tree, put on Christmas lights. Then we made lunch.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t even look at the tree.”

Propping her body on her elbows, Karen lifted her head and turned to see what the tree looked like. A smiled spread across her features as her gaze travelled around the apartment, stopping on Frank’s grinning face.

“It looks so beautiful. You guys did a good job.”

“Well, um, Addie is pretty convincing. And I think I was a good helper.”

“Am I to understand she was the boss?” Karen teased him, her brow raised, lips drawn in a lopsided smile.

“Absolutely,” Frank replied resolutely as Karen return to her previous position, tucking her arms under her head. His fingers dug into the sole of her foot and Karen moaned, mumbling something that sounded like “mmm, so good”. 

Frank didn’t really want to delve into that, _at all_.

“What did you guys make for lunch?”

“Chicken and mushroom risotto,” he answered, recovering his bearings.

“Sounds delicious.”

“Addie thought so. She ate two servings.”

“My child has an appetite of a small army.”

They both laughed, and Frank remembered Addie’s pained expression that afternoon after she overate. He really felt bad for her, but luckily, it would pass by the time she woke up.

“I’m just glad she’s not picky with her food. Frankie hated mushrooms, green peas, eggplant. Gave Maria hard time making anything he’d eat.”

“I’m sure she managed,” Karen said with a soft expression.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Frank nodded. “Yeah, yeah, she did. Always knew how to trick ‘em. Her food was amazing.”

“She taught you that risotto recipe?”

Frank’s brows furrowed, “How’d ya know?”

“Wild guess. You happen to save some for me?” Karen asked him in a flirty manner, biting her lip. 

Frank thought she looked adorable in that moment.

“Of course. Can’t have you starving, can I?”

He put her feet on the couch and got up, leaning over to kiss her briefly before heading to the kitchen. 

Karen however, had a different idea. One hand tangling in his hair, the other caressing his beard, she pulled him closer, deepening their kiss, grazing her teeth along his lip, making him suck in his breath. 

“I wanted to do that since you opened the door. I was just so exhausted.”

“Is this my payment for the foot rub?”

She winked, “Maybe.”

Frank chuckled, leaving her stretching on the couch while he washed his hands and heated the food for her. Setting it all on a tray, he brought it to the living room and placed it on the coffee table. By then Karen had already been sitting, going through some of the folders she brought from work.

“Hey, no work. You’re home now,” he told her without even thinking, yet somehow home is what it felt like with her there, being so comfortable in his space, with him. It was the atmosphere the whole scene made that had him feeling relaxed and joyful. 

Having Karen there was so natural, like she was always a part of his world.

Karen apologised and gathered the papers in the folders again then pushed them back so Frank could set the tray. He sat beside her as she took the plate into her lap and began eating.

“Thank you for this, It’s amazing.”

“No problem.”

After a few bites, Karen turned to look at him, her expression serious. “Frank, tell me honestly. Addie didn’t give you any trouble?”

“No, Karen,” he assured her, “I told you, everything was going to be fine and it was.”

“Okay,” she said with a noticeable relief.

Frank debated whether to mention his talk with Addie from earlier that day. It didn’t seem his place to interfere, but... The pain and sadness Addie carried hit too close to home. He though Karen should know how her daughter felt. It was just a matter how to ease into it.

“We talked,” he started, leaning over, resting his arms on his knees.

“Oh? What did you guys talk about?”

“She, uh, she asked me about my family. Our Christmas traditions.”

“She loves everything that has to do with Christmas,” Karen told him with a grin.

“Yeah, I noticed.” Frank cleared his through, cracking his knuckles. This was harder than he thought. “She told me ... she never met her dad.”

Karen almost dropped the plate, a look of horror appearing in her face.

“Frank, I don’t know what she told you-”

“Look, I’m not trying to butt in. I’m not. I just want you to know that whatever happens, I’m here. ‘kay?”

“Frank-”

“No one’s coming after you two. Not on my watch.” The determination with which this was said elicited tears in Karen and she burst out crying as she put the plate on the table.

“What did she tell you?” her shaky voice asked, face hidden behind her hands.

Frank took her hand in his, squeezing it lightly to let her know he was there for her no matter what thus making her look at him. “That you never talk about him. That she heard you and your friend Foggy talk about him sometimes. He, uh...” his tongue hurt just from trying to utter his thought. “He used to hit you, Karen?”

Taking a deep breath, she told him her story, all the while clutching his hand, holding onto him as if not to lose herself in her memories. Frank never interrupted her, just listened and processed her life story.

“I was young and stupid. My, uh, my brother had just died and I was in a- a really bad place, emotionally. I- I started skipping school, hanging out with a... this group who were, kind of, rebels. I uh- This guy, he was- he was great at first. Took care of me. A couple of months later though... That’s when he first slapped me... I hit him back. Ended up with four stitches on my head.”

Letting out a bitter laugh, she continued, “That ought to have thought me a lesson, right? It didn’t. We went back and forth with hitting each other. It was a thrill in a way. When I found out I was pregnant... I wanted to leave. Immediately. Bu-but... I was alone, had no money. I figured I’d take some of the money h-he kept in a box in the closet. I was almost out the door when he came back home. Took one look at me and- long story short I made it out.”

Frank pulled her into a hug, holding her so close he thought she would melt into him. She was shaking, crying into his shoulder, telling him how sorry she was, that this wasn’t the way she wanted him to find out.

As if he’d ever judge her.

When she calmed down, Frank proceeded with telling her about Addie and what she was worrying about. “Addie’s afraid he’ll come back to hurt you.”

Pulling back, Karen wiped her face, coldness creeping into her eyes as she stated without an ounce of doubt, “He won’t. I took care of that.”

They looked at each other for a long time, just looked but never spoke a word. Frank realised what Karen wanted him to know, what she just confided in him. 

Cradling her face in his hands, Frank kissed her ferociously, not minding that he told her he wanted them to go slow.

He wanted to give her this, he needed it too. Needed her to know that nothing would ever make him judge her, hate her, make him want to let go of her. 

His fingers got tangled in her golden tresses, her own folding around his neck and drawing him closer as if she could breathe him in with her kissing. Her lips were so soft against his slightly chapped ones but she didn’t seems to care as she sucked on his upper lip, teeth clashing against his, noses brushing. 

His beard must have tickled her because she started to giggle and Frank smiled against her lips, his hands dropping to her hips, pulling her to him as Karen brushed her nose against his again, gently left and right, her blues trained on his.

Just then he told her, as if the kiss wasn’t clear enough, “You’re alive, Karen, and so is Addie. That’s all that matters to me.”

Caressing his cheek, fingers carding through his beard, she closed her eyes and breathed out a simple “Thank you, Frank.”

“What are you thanking me for?”

“For being you. Not judging me. Being so kind and patient with Addie.”

God, she had no idea what she was doing to him, how alive she had made him feel since he met her. She and Addie meant so much to him, more than he ever thought was possible. 

“I did my share of shit in this life, Karen. I’m the last person to judge anyone. And your kid... She’s amazing. Got me real good today. Made me remember things about my kids I almost forgot.”

Karen pulled back onto the couch and snuggled into his side, hands entangled, her head resting on his shoulder. He smelt a faint scent of her perfume and coffee on her and wasted no time in immersing his face into her hair, kissing the crown of her head.

Letting out a content sight, her hand caressing his thigh, Karen said, “She tends to be nosy, but she’s goodhearted. And I could tell she was dying to ask you about them, but didn’t want to offend you.”

Kissing her temple, his lips lingered for a moment on her skin, thumb rubbing her knuckles.

“She’s really great.”

“She was the only thing holding me together after I- After I left,” her breath hitched. “I knew I had to think of her, make sure she’s provided for.”

“You did a good job, Karen,” Frank assured her, “You’re a good mom. And Addie loves you. I just think you should talk to her about him. She’s scared to talk to you because she thinks she’ll hurt your feelings.”

Karen’s lips spread into a sorrowful smile, “I do try my best with her, Frank. I never want her to feel like I did with my parents. And, you’re right. It’s just... it’s hard for me to even remember that period in my life. I just don’t want her to hate me.”

“She’s smart, and you’re both so brave. I doubt you’ll ever do wrong by her. She could never hate you, Karen, She’s just worried. Maybe start with small things, just to give her a sense of what it was like without scaring her.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right.” She sniffled, “You’re so good to me, Frank.”

Carefully, he nudged her to look at him with his finger under her chin, “I care about you. Both of you.”

Karen looked up at him, her face so close to his that he could feel her warm breath on his skin. Frank couldn’t contain himself. He started kissing her again, losing himself in her lips, the play of their tongues, her hand that pulled at his hair with such eagerness he thought she would pull his hair out.

Pushing her down on the couch, his hand roamed up her body to the edge where her skirt and shirt met, his other hand propped beside her head to hold himself. He started pulling her shirt out of the skirt as she wrapped her leg around his despite the constraints of her skirt, her hands now splayed on his shoulder blades pulling at his sweater. She gasped into his mouth when his hand went under her undershirt, her skin soft and flesh tender under his calloused hands.

Karen kissed her way to his jaw then pulled at his earlobe with her teeth, sucking it slightly when she heard Frank groan and push himself further against her, the front of his pants rubbing against her core even through so many layers between them.

“Frank,” she moaned as he kissed his way down her throat and he wanted her so much in that moment, wanted to finally give into this attraction that had him questioning everything about himself since he was left alone in this world.

Her mind, her body, her heart, her soul – he wanted it all, longed for it to be his, to surrender his all to her and finally feel complete.

They heard a yawn and Frank was quick to pull himself off Karen as she hastily adjusted her shirt and tucked her hair behind her ears, cheeks flushed and sensitive from Frank’s beard. His hair was sticking in all directions from Karen’s harsh and eager hands.

“Mommy?” Addie called, walking into the living room, rubbing her eyes.

“Hey, pumpkin. You slept okay?”

Karen beckoned her to come sit with them and Addie climbed on the couch, yawning once more as she hugged her mother and Karen kissed her head.

“Yeah, but Frank’s bed is really hard.”

Frank and shared a look and laughed as Frank rubbed his head, “Sorry ‘bout that. Didn’t really think of comfort when I bought it.”

Addie gave him a stern look, “You should buy a mattress like mine. It’s so soft, it feels like you’re on a cloud.”

“’key. I promise to keep that in mind when I buy a new one,” Frank told her as he patted her back.

Karen nudged Addie with her shoulder drawing the girl’s attention.

“Did you have fun with Frank today, baby?”

“Yeah, I did. I told him he can come visit us on Christmas and try our cupcakes.”

“I told her I would check with you first.”

Karen smiled softly, reaching for his hand, “I don’t mind. Matter of fact, Addie and I would love it if you could join us.”

“It’s a- it’s a deal then.”

“Yaaaay,” Addie squealed excitedly, taking Frank by surprise and hugging him.

Smiling, he hugged her back, “Thank you, for today, sweetheart. I didn’t- didn’t know I needed this today.”

“But I did,” she told him with a wink.

When Karen too started yawning, she decided it was time to go back to their apartment. Standing up, she wrapped her arms around Frank’s waist, kissing his cheek then whispering, “We’ll have to finish what we started.”

He was blushing when she drew back, but squeezed her hip in confirmation. 

Helping her gather her folders, Frank went to fill the plate she was eating from before their conversation took a bad turn with more food, then accompanied her and Addie to their door.

He waited until Karen unlocked the door and left her folders somewhere inside before she came back.

“Here. You can heat it up later.”

She gave him a look of gratitude as she took the plate from him.

Good night Frank.,” Addie said as she dragged her feet to her room, another yawn catching her.

“Good night, sweetheart. Sleep well.”

“I will. On my cloud-like bed,” she turned to tease him, a grin spread from ear to ear.

Laughing, Frank shook his head, “Okay.”

When Addie was gone. Karen turned to him, leaning against the door frame. Frank caressed her cheek and she leaned into it, closing her eyes briefly.

“We’ll talk tomorrow?”

Karen nodded, “Good night.”

“Good night, beautiful.”

She rolled her eyes, heat rising in her cheeks, “Why, Frank. Way to make a girl blush.”

Chuckling, he went back to his apartment and Karen to hers, but they were both beaming for the rest of the night.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm looking forward to your comments. if you have any questions, feel free to ask. Come say hi on tumblr at the-mimi-hiddleston :D


End file.
